Everyone visits Sydney, Australia, but other cities are available depending on what you want to do while you are visiting the sun burnt country....
My journey began in Perth, Western Australia which is where I lived for a number of years back in the early 80's, and I am staying with friends and 'family' so I have no need for hotel accommodation although there are a couple of listings for accommodation on some web sites, Gay Traveller, for instance. Sadly the gay scene in Perth seems to have 'shrunk' since I lived there when everyone used to go to The Lion (and before that The Clarendon, commonly known as The Pink Palace, where Danny the ex-bus driver from Sydney was to be found behind the bar), and the main venue seems to be The Court.
The Court is located to the north of Perth city centre and is close to the main railway station and I must admit that I was a bit put off by their web site which said that everyone needed proof of age and would be photographed on the way in, nonetheless I headed there on a Friday night, only to find a long queue of teenagers waiting to get in, and I am sorry but nowhere is worth queuing for so I headed off to that most famous of haunts, Connies' in James Street.
It is nice to know that some things do not change, well not too much, and Connies is still there up that lethal staircase although when you get inside things are a little different with the bar now in a different place, and more glitter balls than you can poke a stick at. But where is everyone? It's Friday night it should be packed.
The bar staff are pleasant, the beer reasonably priced at A$9 for a small bottle, and only when I said I was going for a cigarette did I discover that they have a roof terrace for the smokers, complete with an outside bar and this is where everyone seems to be!
Although I do not really like to say it, if you are looking for a hectic gay nightlife then forget about Perth, I have no doubt it has its moments but really with only one or two bars to choose from, and a couple more 'up and coming' so I was told, there is not a lot going on. There is a Perth Bears page on FB for those interested though!
However Perth and the area still has attractions for some sectors of the population, notably some fine beaches including the more secluded beach at Swanbourne. Take the West Coast Highway north from Perth city and turn into Challenger Parade where you will find small car parks on the right, a short walk through the sand dunes will bring you to the beach close to the military base, and then use your eyes!
For those more sophisticated, Perth has some excellent restaurants and one big bonus is the number of wineries within easy reach both in The Swan River area and also further south at Margaret River.
Within Western Australia there is also some stunning scenery but your biggest problem is getting to see it all because of the vast distances involved (most of Europe would actually fit in the south western corner of the state), you really need a camper van and six months to get around it all! To the east the Goldfields and Kalgoorlie are also worth visiting.
I am leaving by train on the Indian Pacific to Adelaide, and this trip is a must for those who want relaxation while they watch the landscape roll by, the journey to Adelaide takes one and a half days, leaving Perth at lunchtime and arriving in Adelaide early in the morning two days later.
I was once told that Adelaide was a fine old city.....And I guess this is still true with some remarkably well preserved colonial buildings, most of which seem to be pubs! Like Perth, Adelaide seems to be stuck in a minor time warp and trying to find truly gay accommodation is like looking for a virgin in Sydney.....At the time I was trying to book a place I found only one listing for a b and b who informed me that they didn't have accommodation although they didn't make it clear whether they were full or perhaps they just didn't do accommodation...If you get my meaning.
I ended up booking through Rainbow Tourism and got a room at the Adelaide Paringa which is centrally placed for sight seeing and transportation, it is also a shortish walk to the Hampshire Hotel (near The Markets) which is one of the nicest gay/LGBT pubs I have been in for a long time, lively, noisy, but not too much so, and with bar staff who actually want to serve you. I went there for two nights in a row and saw all the same people both times so I guess the gay scene there is only limited which is surprising at South Australia was the first state to legalise homosexuality!
The second night of my visit it was so cold and wet that I ended up going to the sauna at Pulteney 431 to get warm.
So like Perth, Adelaide is not the place for the LGBT tourist looking for all night raging, but none the less a place where you can get elegantly pissed.....Like Western Australia, South Australia is renowned for its wineries and if you had the time you could spend weeks just wine tasting (and months drying out when you got home), I recommend that short afternoon wine tour that you can book at the tourist office.
Central Adelaide has its fair share of shops including one at the end of Rundle Street Mall that only sells chocolate, and a shop opposite that also only sells chocolate!
For the more cultured, Adelaide could be called the 'Festival City' as they seem to have festivals for just about everything during the course of the year...They also have cricket, while I was there there was a test match on but I managed to avoid it!
Having arrived in Adelaide by train. I left the same way, but this time on the Ghan to Alice Springs.....
Contrary to popular belief there are gay and lesbian people in Alice....I met up with one of them through GTN, who was kind enough to meet me off the train even though it was 9 hours late and show me the sights including the famous Bojangles Bar which is renowned for its steaks and also the vast amount of crap hanging from the walls and ceilings and the old Rover car in the backyard. In Alice there are one or two nice buildings including the one where Chas and Di got food poisoning, a botanic gardens named after a famous local lesbian, some extremely expesive souvenir shops selling some very nice glass, ceramics, and other 'art' and a variety of places to eat. There is a wonderful cafe near one end of Todd Mall that does an amazing chocolate gateau which the waitress assured me was chocolate/sugar/fat/carbohydrate free.
Of course the main reason for being in Alice is as a starting point for trips to Ayers Rock and King's Canyon (unless you are there to lose the family fortune in one of the casinos) and unless you want to do a lot of driving I recommend you take an organised tour which also includes one night accommodation in the middle of nowhere.
I took the Emu Run Tour the guys running it where hilarious and all the time kept telling us that in a minute we would see camels, wedge tailed eagles, and kangaroos. When we did finally see a kangaroo it was actually dead on the side of the road with a wedge tailed eagle busy feeding off it, but having said that their commentaries were knowledgeable and succinct and if you wanted to ask more then they had all the answers. They also provided an excellent BBQ at Uluru to watch the sunset with bubbly and wine whereas other tour outfits were only providing juice and water! Other tour companies are available and TailorMade Tours is another who provide private charters if you are feeling really flush!
Leaving Alice by Tiger Airways proved to be as dodgy as I was led to believe, as the flight was cancelled due to a bird strike so I spent an extra day/night in Alice, which made me a day late getting to Melbourne, I am still waiting for the compensation payment from Tiger Airways......But they are soooo CHEAP!
Arriving in Melbourne is like finding an oasis in the desert, and as you would expect from Australia's second city it does have night life for the LGBT traveller....Lots of it, but I suspect considerably more sedate than Sydney.
There is not a lot of truly 'gay' accommodation in Melbourne, much of what you will find listed is really only the normal 'chain' hotels and some expensive boutique accommodation, but you will find The Laird where, arriving a day late, I found Mark and Brett getting ready for the evening, not at all perturbed by my late arrival (they could have charged me for the night I was not there), or by the fact that my credit card did not work in their machine.....They have a cash machine in the front bar and it doesn't even charge you for withdrawals from a foreign bank account...They welcomed me to The Laird and gave me the key to my room which was easy enough to find on the first floor overlooking the beer garden at the back.
The only was to describe The Laird is as a Bear's Den...Decorated in wood and dark colours the room I had was big with lots of proper furniture and a big metal bed which only rattled a little bit, and a nice bathroom with a decent sized shower and lots of towels along with a request that please do not ask for towels to be changed unless you really need it, pretty normal these days, even I do it! Across the hall is a lounge for guests (there is a security door between the public areas of the pub and the accommodation), and next to it a kitchen, well stocked with food for making your own breakfast, including a machine that makes decent coffee!
At the top of the stairs is an internet point which turns out to be something of a meeting point as sooner or later you get to meet all the other residents as they sit checking their emails, the clientele down in the bar are pleasantly mixed in age group and style and the beer garden is where everyone seems to gather (beware of the possum which likes to sleep up in the pergola, like all possums it has a weak bladder and will piss on you if it gets half a chance, I was keeping an eye on it and moved as soon as it came my way). As this is specifically a gay male establishment there is a relaxed atmosphere everywhere something that you do not find in 'gay friendly' places no matter how many training courses they have been on, or how many certificates they have to say just that.
I was a bit worried about the fact that my room overlooked the garden as I thought it might be a bit noisy but I needn't have worried, the music is not that loud and the gentle buzz of conversation seemed to aid my sleep especially after I had relieved the bar staff of several measures of brandy.
Location-wise The Laird is close to some other gay/lesbian venues and they have a small map which shows them, you also get a free pass to Club 80 for the duration of your stay.
One other such venue is Sircuit which is within walking distance and I visited there on the Saturday night with one of my previous paying guests at Villa Ralfa. As a complete opposite to The Laird you could not get much further away. Sircuit is a big ground floor room, one end of which is taken up by pool tables (plural), the other end is standing room mainly centred around the bar. At one side is scaffolding so you can sit at an oil drum and watch the entertaining crowd below., the decorations are minimal (non-existent) with exposed pipes and conduit on the ceiling and not a lot of money spent on paint either.
At the front within the building, but outside on the street is a smoking area which is well attended, like you do I walked out there and bumped straight into a Greek guy from Heraklion, the world is a very small place sometimes.
At the back of the main room is a staircase which goes up to another smoking area on the roof and a cruising room...On the night I was there they had a free boot shine on the way up the stairs so I got my silver Reeboks dusted off, and on the next floor they were giving buzz cuts which probably gives you some idea of what Sircuit is all about. The toilets on the ground floor are stunning.
The Melbourne transport system is excellent and involves buses and trains networked together with a common ticket, take the Sunday special which you have to buy at Flinders Street station before the day and you can go just about everywhere for a few dollars, I went all the way to Knoxfield via Waverly for next to nothing to see my 'mother in law' and it all worked fine. The Laird is opposite Collingwood station so don't bother with taxis to get from the centre/airport as there is virtually no walking to do even with a heavy suitcase. Having said that do take the walk into Melbourne central, it is not a difficult walk and you pass through some of the old residential district with incredibly twee houses beautifully preserved, there is also a delightful park with some excellent plantings. You enter the city just about in the Greek quarter although it is not quite as Greek as you might expect. I stopped for a coffee at one of the Greek cafes only to find the guy behind the counter didn't speak any Greek!
My verdict on The Laird? Probably the best hotel I have stayed in for years, clean, comfortable, and friendly but if your style is Travelodge, Radisson, or Holiday Inn, then give it a miss as you will probably not enjoy living over the top of a gay bar. On the other hand give it a try, you might find that staying in a proper gay owned and run place is infinitely better than a place where you could be anywhere in the world!
By the way Melbourne in case you didn't know, is a cultural city with theatre, art gallery, and a lot of other things to see both in the city and around it. I was only at The Laird for three nights but could have happily spent a week or 10 days there, but this bunny is off to New Zealand early on the Monday morning!
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