The Gay Crete Blog Takes a Look At........Beaches!

Balos Lagoon

Here at the Gay Crete Blog I have never specifically looked at beaches so I decided it was time I did. No holiday in the sun is complete without a couple of days spent on the beach, and Crete, Greece, offers the beach bum, (or babe), many opportunities for visiting some world class beaches including some where clothing is optional!  So here I take at look at some of the best known including Vai, Balos Lagoon, Matala, Kommos, and probably the best known nudist beach on Crete, at Hersonissos

As you would be expect from Greece’s largest island (and the fifth largest in the Mediterranean), Crete has a long coastline and in many places the mountains plunge dramatically down into the sea but in between there are some remarkable beaches raging from large stones to fine sand of varying colours. Perhaps the actual size of the island sometimes acts as a barrier to visiting some of the best beaches, but the savvy independent LGBT traveller will soon realise that Crete is an ideal island for a ‘multi – centre’ holiday and will spend a few days at each end of the island which can save some hours of driving either by car or on the bus!

Many of our older readers may perhaps remember the adverts for Bounty Bars many years ago, and some may recall that these were filmed on Crete, at Vai on the eastern end of the island. Vai not only has a fine beach but is also home to a forest of native palm trees (an endangered species by the way), behind the beach. As you would expect some of the beach is given over to sunbeds and umbrellas that you can rent for the day, and part of it you can sit on as you please. As is common with the more popular beaches there are good facilities available at resaonable prices including quite a good restaurant where you can look down on to the beach and palm trees.

Vai Beach

There is also a watersports area with the normal jet skis and ‘octopus’ if that is what you want!

Next door to Vai, for those that don’t mind a bit of walking, there is an undeveloped beach frequently used as a ‘clothing optional’ beach.

As with some other beaches on Crete, Vai’s remoteness from the main tourism centres means that it does not get unduly crowded, from Heraklion you can look forward to a three to four hour drive to get there!

A little closer to the centre of the island, and on the south coast, is Matala Beach, probably best known as ‘home’ to the hippy population when we still had hippies, and where Joni Mitchell wrote a song.

Matala still lives on this reputation and some of the hippies seem to still be there. The actual beach at Matala is not much to write home about being dark coarse sand, but nearby is Kommos Beach which is a fine long stretch of finer sand starting at one end with a taverna on the beach and heading into the distance for some kilometres.

Kommos also boasts an archaeological site which was the port to the Minoan palace at Festos (well worth a visit on the way down as it has stunning views of the Messara Plain, one of the big agricultural regions on Crete, and also Mt. Psiloritis). Kommos also has a clothing optional area which is some distance along from the main car park and kantina. On windy days, when the sand tends to blows around a bit, many sunbathers retreat into the ‘dunes’ behind the beach where there is more shelter and also more shade if you want to get out of the sun for a while .

On the other side of Matala is Red Beach which is well known as a nudist beach but you need either a 4WD or a good set of walking legs to get there, although you can get there by boat too.

Matala

Kommos

Along the north coast there are also a number of smaller beaches often not visible from the roads above and the only indication you will have of these are cars parked apparently in the middle of nowhere. These are often worth a visit as they remain uncrowded because you have to clamber down to them.

Those who decide to stay in the west of Crete will find two beaches that have at various times been voted amongst the top 10 beaches in Europe/The World, and quite deservedly so.

On the north west tip of the island is Balos, publicity material for Crete nearly always feature a picture of Balos which is surrounded by mountains and features shallow waters of varying colours ranging from deepest blue through turquoise and green to white in the shallow parts. Sheltered from the wind and tides, Balos offers safe swimming for those less able in the water too.

Access to Balos is not easy as the nearest car park is some way from the beach, and while the walk down is not bad, it is a bit of a climb back up the hill, although part way up you will usually find a man with a donkey. Having said that one of the best ways to get there is by cruising on the ferry from Kissamos/Kastelli which also gives you a couple of hours stopover at Gramvoussa Island where the main attraction is the fortress on the top rather than the beach. The ferry delivers you the water’s edge at Balos and you then walk through shallow water to the main part of the beach. Facilities here are good too as there are two tavernas that do not take advantage of you with ridiculous prices as happens in some parts of the world.

If you are not staying at the western end of Crete then you can look forward to a four hour drive from Heraklion to get to Balos which is why I recommend you do this trip on an organised coach tour. It does mean you have to get up early as the coach leaves Malia/Hersonissos at around 5.30am and gets back about 9pm. But of course you can always sleep on the coach, or you can take in the scenery as you drive along the north coast. At least you will be getting to see some other parts of the island!

Further south from Balos is Elafonisi which in many ways is similar. One day I hope to find time to get there too!

As an aside, most people seem to agree that the best way to see these beaches is by staying at the western end of the island, it not only saves a lot of travelling but you can get to the beach early when it is not so crowded by the day trippers (such as me), arriving by coach and ferry.

Also on the north coast between Rethymno and Xania are the beaches of Kalives and Georgiopoulis both of these having clothing optional area and both are ‘do-able’ from Herakliion/Hersonissos on a day trip.

Sarandari (Hersonissos)

 Of course if you are only on Crete for a week (shame on you!), then you will be a little limited in how many of these beaches you can visit, but for many their holiday will be centred on the north coast, and here you will find the, almost world famous, nudist beach at Sarandari, just to the west of Port Hersonissos.

Exactly why Sarandari beach should be so well known is something of a mystery really, it is only a small beach, although it is mainly coarse sand with a few rocks here and there (if you want to show off you go out to the big rock and lay there naked where everyone can see you, even the people walking along the top of the cliff!), but the water is clear as it is in so many other places around Crete. 

Perhaps its main attraction is that it is not quite that easy to get to, involving either a climb down the cliff face or a walk across the rocks from the beach next door. Others will tell you that because of its size it is a very friendly beach where you can get to meet new (and old) friends.

Or you can get there by boat and if you are cruising on one of the day trip boats that leave from Port Hersonissos during the day or evening, then you can swim here as, more often than not, they stop just off shore for a while.

Certainly part of its popularity is due to ease of access from Heraklion , and the fact that Port Hersonissos is one of the most cosmopolitan tourist resorts on the Crete, and also has a gay bar and two gay hotels!

Whatever its main attractions are, so popular has this beach become that you will hear some people call it the ‘gay beach’. It isn’t of course, well not totally, but on any given day you will more almost certainly find more gay men here, both visitors and locals, than anyone else. And it is one of the few beaches on Crete where going naked is more often the norm.

Add caption

So there you have it, just a brief look at some of the beaches on Crete. Yes, there are some that haven’t even got a mention, but I can leave those to another day, and there are still more that are being ‘discovered’ every year, while others are no longer as popular as they used to be.

Just a final word, isn’t there always one? There are few ‘official’ nudist beaches neither on Crete, nor Greece generally (and the same goes for a lot of other countries too!), although ‘topless’ for the girls seems generally accepted and so does clothing optional for everyone. You will find that sometimes families will appear on the beach and ask you to ‘cover up’. Be polite and do so, you are a visitor to Greece so you are governed by the laws of Greece!

Enjoy our beautiful Cretan beaches, and our clear turquoise waters, but don’t forget your sunscreen!

The Gay Baby Boomers – Are We The Forgotten Generation?

I make no apologies for this post as it goes worldwidebut sometimes things just have to be said. I was reading through postings in a group on GTN and it got me thinking about times past...Never a good thing to do when you get older, but at the time I was having a trawl through gay web sites generally and noticed that wherever you go, most of the bars, clubs, and other venues for gay men, seem to revolve around younger people.

I should point out at this stage that I am actually a bit too young to be a ‘baby boomer’, well almost anyway.

Now this could just be me of course, but although us older lot still like to go out and have a good time, do we, when we are on holiday, want to spend our nights clubbing and our days sitting on the beach or by a pool with a hangover, getting fried to a crisp, and then repeating the whole process over again the next night?

Yes, we do like the occasional visit to a nightclub to watch the crass, callow eye candy dance the night away aided by two bottles of beer and a pocketful of illegal substances, but in spite of what they think, we are not dead from neck up, or from the waist down, (as more than one young gentleman discovered when I was visiting Peru and Chile last month).

And while they drink their two beers, us mature ones sit there and consume an entire bottle of gin with not too much tonic as we don’t have malaria as the barman seems to think.

OK, we are on holiday so we can sleep the following day but for most of us sleeping in the sun for hours on end is out of the question. We are more likely to want to spend the day submerged in a tank of moisturiser to try and reverse the ravages that time, (and too much alcohol), has wrought upon us.

And yet many gay ‘destinations’ offer little else to do.

Let’s take the Greek island of Mykonos, probably one of the most famous gay destinations in the world. And don’t get me wrong here, Mykonos is a pretty island, but it is not the almost exclusively gay Greek island that it was back in the 1970’s when I first went there. There is gay nightlife and some gay beaches, and in August it is inundated with Greeks and Italians of both sexes out for a good time. But the admirable burghers of Mykonos, and indeed the businesses themselves, more than certainly discovered that you cannot run an entire Greek island just on gay clientele.

So what do you do on an island the size of Mykonos, once you have visited the museums, a couple of churches, and been to the island of Delos?

Apart from spending evenings drinking, and days sunbathing, the answer is not a lot, and for many of us older gay men this is sometimes not quite enough. We are not so far past it that we just want to sit about and play bingo. We still want to go and see things.

New things.

Different things.

So what do we do?

We invent our own destination. A new destination more suited to our needs. And some of us have already done this in a small way. And because we are not dead from the neck up many of us know how to use the internet so we can travel independently not just follow the crowd and go where a travel agent sends us on a package tour.

The Greek island of Crete, for instance, welcomes many gay visitors each year, although we do not shout about it too much because that is the Cretan (or Greek), way. But for the older gay man, and woman, Crete offers much more than just beaches and clubs.

For a start Crete is a large island with some spectacular mountain scenery dotted with small hill villages just asking to be explored, and although I don’t suggest you take up mountain climbing, there is some great walking, (mainly downhill), that can be done such as the Samaria Gorge, the longest in Europe (yes, Crete is part of Europe), and a wealth of historical sites such as Knossos.

And if it is mythology you are after than what better than Psychro’s Cave where Zeus was born, (and no, I never met him personally, although on a bad day you can be forgiven for asking), followed by a drive around the Lassithi Plateau with chance to see the lammergeyer s that live there (and they are not so difficult to find as some people make out!), so there is something for the keen birder to look out for as well! Around the Plateau are a number of small villages and a couple of larger towns including Tzermiado, where, according to visitors from France, ‘you can get the best goat in Europe’.

Sadly most of the windmills that you see in photographs of Lassithi, are now gone, the water being pumped by electricity generated by wind turbines (!), but around the island you can see the remains of the many stone built windmills from a bygone age, along with some fine examples of Byzantine and Venetian architecture.

But after all this history and physical activity, you need to relax sometimes and Crete has a wide range of beaches including nudist beaches.

And bars.

In fact Crete has two ‘dedicated’ gay bars, Eros Bar in Malia, which has been running for some years, and the newer Roze Maandag (Pink Monday) Bar in Port Hersonissos which opened in summer 2011.

Different in style, they both play similar music but at different volumes! Eros is more of a night/dance club often frequented by Greeks and tends to start late and finish very early the following day so be prepared for a long night out. Roze Maandag bills itself as European, and has a much ‘loungier’ feel to it. You are likely to hear the same ‘gay anthems’ from the same ‘gay icons’ in both bars, but in Roze Maandag you can hear yourself think.

And for a place to stay (and here comes a bit of absolutely shameless self-promotion), there is Villa Ralfa, conveniently located just outside Port Hersonissos, and thirty minutes walk from the village of Pano Hersonissos. Villa Ralfa was Crete’s first LGBT guesthouse and gay homestay, which opened in 200,4 and since then has welcomed independent LGBT travellers from around the world. Of course you may find other hotels on Crete listed as being ‘gay friendly’ but in general these are large ‘all inclusive resorts’ which are really just ‘gay anonymous’ as you are just one or two guests in amongst several hundred. These sort of hotels are naturally the ones favoured by the so called gay travel agencies who really are not interested in true gay owned and run hotels for the simple reason that they cannot make any money by sending you to these, instead they seem to think that everyone will be happy to pay several hundred euros a night for a room without breakfast just because they have booked through a ‘gay travel agency’.

Which lead us on to a final point. The price.

Looking again at various articles it seems that some of the ageing LGBT population are having problems with ‘affordable housing’. Which seems to blow the argument that gay and lesbian people have more money, right out of the water. Sure we may own our own homes but we have been working for 35 years to pay for them. And as we grow older our incomes become fixed either because we are on a pension, or the companies we used to work for have ‘disposed’ of us, or as naturally happens our opportunities for advancement and salary rises no longer exist.

So what is the cost of a holiday on Crete?

The answer is surprisingly little.

Crete (and indeed Greece), has some of the cheapest accommodation in the world and you can get very good accommodation in a family run apartment block from as little as 20 euros per night even in high season. But bear in mind you will often have to book direct with the apartments as the travel agents will mark that up to 40 or so euros per night. Villa Ralfa charges a little more but you do get the pleasure of knowing that almost certainly your fellow guests will be LGBT, (you don’t get money back if they aren’t because they are probably friends of mine and I have them well trained), and we do look after you well, and we know our way around the gay scene, and which are the best places to go for that essential mojito before dinner.

And for food and drink, pricewise probably the best comparison that there is, is South America. A good main course and a glass of wine or bottle of beer will cost you about the same as in Lima or Cusco, or indeed in Santiago de Chile. If you want to ‘splurge’ then there are expensive places, the same as there are everywhere.

So if thinking about a Mediterranean holiday and travelling independently, and want a place to go where there are things to do then Crete, Greece is a very good option for the mature LGBT traveller.

Greece 2010, Strikes & Economic Woes. To Go or Not To Go?

The lights are on, the doors are open, and Greece is open for business and awaiting your arrival!

Some more information and some hints and tips for getting here.....


Of course you do not have to be gay, or lesbian to be worried about this!


So just lately Greece has been getting some publicity and as we all know there is no such thing as bad publicity, (except your own obituary according to Brendan Behan), but in this case the publicity hasn't worked as well as we would hope !


According to my sources, Nexus, that runs gay cruises around the Aegean has cancelled one of its cruises because the passengers were concerned about 'the situation in Greece'.


Of course I do not know exactly what they mean by that, but then some people are very easily put off, so let's deal with the possible causes.


The economic 'situation' in Greece does not mean that Greece is closed for business, in fact internally everything is exactly the same as before! Yes we have had some increases in taxation with VAT (GST to some of you) rising by a massive 1%, yes ONE percent! Most places haven't bothered to even change the price lists as for, say, a long drink, (G & T, V & O, Metaxa & Coke), to put the price up by 4 to 6 cents is not really practical. And remember that spirit measures in Greece are unmeasured so for between €4-6 you are getting the equivalent of a treble in the UK! Good beer (Mythos 4.1% ABV) is still only around €3.50 - €4 for a large one too! And yes we have a 12.5% tax on mobile phone calls, but this hardly affects you as a visitor to Greece. For those that still smoke good, cigarettes are now €3.80 for a packet. For drivers, fuel prices are similar to those on mainland Europe, especially if you fuel up outside the main tourist areas!


Food prices and eating out are competitively priced compared to many other European countries, and unlike some you will have no unpleasant surprises when you come to pay your bill! Here on Crete you will almost always be given or offered raki and fruit at the end of your meal. In how many other European countries will you be given a free drink at the end of your meal, quite often after you have asked for, or even paid, your bill?


To put some more detail on the economic situation, the Greek Govt is running a large deficit, some of this is due to current international conditions, much is due to the poor record they have in collecting taxation, and some is probably still due to the Olympics (which are always wildly expensive to stage and do not really produce any additional foreign revenue to pay for themselves!). In fact the deficit it really no worse than in some other European countries, including the UK. What is making matters worse in Greece is the Government's apparant inability to collect taxes, and bearing in mind that things like water and electricity are still in the public sector, so even non-payment by consumers makes a difference to Government cash flow. (As an example here, when I bought Villa Ralfa in 2004, I discovered that the previous owner owed €1200 to the water company, a simple calculation showed that he had never paid a water bill since the house was built in 1991!)



The Government's response to the deficit has been to raise some taxes, cut wages in the public sector and increase pension age to 65, this has led to strikes and demonstrations. Some of these do lead to problems for travellers, for instance, air traffic controllers or immigration officials striking stops flights! But let's be honest what real effect does a strike by tax collectors or bank staff really have on visitors? The answer is none!!


Strikes by Customs also have little effect as we are part of the EU and visitors from other EU countries do not go through Customs as such.


Demonstrations have received much airtime internationally, but nothing has been made of the fact that these have taken place in Athens, in front of the Parliament building. But even so Athens is still open for business as the demonstrations are planned and announced in advance and any visitors need only check with their hotel front desk to find out where and when they are, and then plan to be somewhere else that day.


On the islands, parades and protests are virtually non-existent and here on Crete are only likely to take place in the capital Heraklion, which is hardly a Mecca for tourists except for visiting the museums.



Greece is still one of the safest countries in the world and is rarely a target for terrorism and has a low crime rate.



Generally strikes etc. take place on Thursdays, ergo, travel on a different day!


A small and slightly odd web site that has surprisingly accurate information on strikes, not just in Greece, (we are not alone!), can be found here Easy Travel Report


Many of the large travel companies seem to be limiting their exposure to Greece, I have even heard of one well known travel company advising visitors not to come to Greece, so for those who are 'hooked' on the 'package holiday' there may be only limited availability, but never fear, there are many opportunities for independent travellers to Greece and with accommodation available direct through the web it should not be difficult for prospective visitors to find readily available accommodation, as well as Villa Ralfa, of course!!


Remember too that travelling independently is better for the Greek economy as all of the money you spend on accommodation ends up in Greece, as most tour companies have their profit centres outside of Greece, but do ensure that you are booking with a locally owned and family run hotel or apartment business. Even better avoiding the large resort and all-inclusiv means you get to experience true Greek and especially Cretan hospitality.


So travelwise what have we got? Well forget about airfares for next to nothing! These days the price of aviation fuel is high and governments around the world have increased passenger duties and taxes in their greed for ever increasing revenue. Also bear in mind that Greece is a long way and is serviced by fewer airlines so you cannot compare the price of a flight from northern Europe to Spain for example because one is two hours flying time and Crete, Greece, for example is four hours!!


For travellers from the UK, expect to pay around 150GBP return including taxes, from Italy expect to pay around €160, both of these are for flights in July with Easyjet Easyjet also have flights in June from Berlin to Heraklion from €160



BOOK WISELY...BOOK EARLY is the slogan here, these budget flights fill up quickly and the prices rise the nearer you get to the departure date!!!


Aegean Airlines also have some very reasonable flights from various destinations around Europe in September and October bearing in mind that with Aegean you have to travel via Athens to get to Heraklion Crete, they have flights from Paris - CDG for €187 plus taxes. Aegean flights are of course scheduled flights and many of them run every day of the week!


Viking which used to only deal through agents and act as carriers for many package holiday companies, now take booking direct for flights from the UK and around Europe in general.


For a Europe-wide resource for budget flights to an from virtually everywhere then Attitude Travel still remains one of the best places to look first!


There are also some flight search engines on my web site at http://www.villaralfa.com/


If you want a round up of current news and possible strikes in Greece, the Athens News web site has much up to date information in English. For those looking for more news from Greece there is an English edition of Kathimerini here, or you can read the Greek version using the 'Google translate' toolbar, if you have it installed, here


Or you can read a local Cretan newspaper, Patris, here. This is only in Greek so you will need to have Google Translate, or something similar installed in your browser.

For those of you who have been to Greece and especially, Crete, before, remember all that sunshine, that crystal clear turquoise sea, the amazing scenery, the many thousands of years of history, the hospitality, the many small bars and restaurants serving traditional Cretan dishes from fresh produce? Isn't it time you came back?

For those who have never been before, well you do not know what you are missing! All of the things in the last paragraph for a start!

A New(ish) Web SIte For Gay Hotels and Bars, Gay Chat and Blogs, Gay Pride London: Gaypedia

There are a myriad of web sites for gay dating, information, travel, and so on, out there on the Internet, and although I don't usually recommend any of them in particular, some are better than others.



My personal 'hate' is the ones that because you are running a gay business, seem to think that you make a fortune and are therefore prepared to pay a fortune for a link or posting, but then you find that many of the advertisers are actually huge multinationals who are just trying to cash in on the 'Pink Dollar or Pound' and whose product is not actually specifically 'gay' at all! In fact I am often certain that the people that run them are not gay or lesbian, just straights trying to pretend they are gay.....



The cost of adding a link or an ad on to a site is minimal, and once it is there it should be there forever, as I feel that the Internet should be a free source of information for everyone, which is why you will find much information given freely on my own web site especially tailored for the gay or lesbian travel ler to Crete, Greece, so when I am approached by someone asking for a link to what is obviously a gay owned and run site, I am only too happy to oblige if I possibly can, after all what is a few minutes of my time to add a weeny bit of code to my site?

Of course we would all like to 'monetise' our site and even mine has some Google ads on it as well as some other 'earners', but these only go to pay for the hosting fees (essential if you want a good reliable a host that provides you with all the stats that you need with a minimum of downtime) and the incredible amount of bandwidth I take during the summer months, so when Ryan from Gaypedia approached me for a link, I was only too please to help, as he was trying to make the site more useful by providing information for his gay users and not just trying to make a bob or two by selling advertising!

What you see here is the end result......Gaypedia is a relatively new gay dating and chat site and Ryan has incorporated features likes blogs and reviews from the outset rather than bolting them on afterwards!


http://www.gaypedia.com

Moving to Crete - Nearly The Final Episode.

I promise this will be the final part.......At least of the moving saga.........



OK, we have a buyer, we have a moving date, and we have a leaving date for Crete. We even have started the process of buying somewhere on Crete.



What can possibly go wrong?



Nothing so far...As the day approaches for leaving the house in Brighton we continue to de-clutter, at least we now know what is in the boxes that came from my mother's house 9 years before, Ebay and car boot sales have done us well, we gradually pack boxes until our existence becomes a pile of cardboard boxes in the lounge. Removals and storage are arranged, and so is transit of our stuff to Crete, by Phil, The White Van Man, yes, we were his first trip out, his trial run, it's all our fault!



We leave the house, and I go back to work in the afternoon. No regrets about leaving the house, we had some difficult times while we lived there and good ones of course.



The removers take everything except the brand new stainless steel pedal bin, which just happened to have somehting packed in it, which I didn't miss until three years later!



We go to stay with friends.........



December 2003 arrives, and we get a message to phone the lawyer on Crete, the house we want to buy is illegal, not just a question of it being the wrong shape or a bit too big, it just shouldn't be there at all. To legalise it will take €6000, and we ain't paying it and neither is the man who owns it! Lawyer says "Don't touch it", so we don't. Heigh Ho, back to the drawing board.



It really is much easier to buy somewhere when you are on the spot anyway, and have the cash in the Bank!



Christmas comes and goes and our departure date looms large on the horizon, we organise a leaving party for two days before we are due to go, we go and see relations and distant friends who can't get to the party.

Two weeks to go and the company I am working for on a temp basis, hands me a permanent contract, can you believe it? Sorry boys I decline your offer, why couldn't this happen 10 months earlier?

The last day, 30th January 2004, a quiet day packing the car. I do something that I have always said I wouldn't. I pack socks and underwear in a bin liner because that is the only way I can fit them in the car. Everything is in except the clothes we need for today and tomorrow morning, the pc is in the boot, there are two suitcases on the back seat, and everything we are likely to need on the way

Last night, dinner with our best friends, a rather subdued occasion, they think we are mad, we think they might be right.

February 1st 2004, the storm which raged last night has blown itself out. We leave earlier than we expected and arrive in Dover nearly two hours early, that's fine, we get an earlier ferry.

Our route is planned to take a week, because it's February and there will almost certainly be snow on the way, which is why we both have two great big Tog24 winter coats with us taking up so much space inside the car.

I have run off the itinerary from the Michelin web site, we are going via Calais, then Belgium, Holland, Germany, Austria, Italy to Ancona for the ferry to Greece. The first stop is Cologne for the night and the plan is that we only travel by daylight so we arrive in the city in daylight.

The plan doesn't work of course, the itinerary is so detailed that it gives us every single exit we pass which confuses the issue, I throw away the itinerary and use the atlas.

We arrive in Cologne...after dark. Now British cities are bad enough in the dark. German ones are even worse, you can't see the signs, and even if you can they are in German. We find the railway station as our first landmark, and all of a sudden we are taking the bridge over the Rhine. Wrong. Negotiate one way system and cross back again, spot street sign with our hotel in it. Ask German hotel doorman how to get to it. Down that street, but you cannot drive that way, do this and this and turn left there.

We do as told, end up in wrong street, and then we cross the river again, by the same bridge. OK we are good at this now because we know where to turn.

Head back across different bridge, aim for hotel again, wrong again, back across the river, different bridge this time. Negotiate one way system and cross river again. Stop and ask doorman again, he laughs, who says the Germans don't have a sense of humour.

Pass end of street where hotel stands, screech to a halt and reverse over traffic island and reverse the wrong way down one way street to reach hotel. Remove bags that we need for the night, get directions to secure parking, leave hotel foyer, return 45 minutes later having crossed the bridge again. We are now experts on the Cologne one way system and have actually found the way that we must go to leave the city in the morning.

Tired and stressed we find a place to eat, full of foreign businessmen in town for an exhibition. Good German food though, excellent soup, made from sorrel, it turns out when we ask what's in it. Have couple of drinks and so to bed.

Day 2, we leave Cologne heading for Stuttgart. Nice easy drive, we have two nights stay booked, and Stuttgart is a pleasant place. Weather like spring, heater off and windows down on the car. The Germans drive like maniacs and there really aren't any speed limits you know.

Arrive in Stuttgart, now I don't know whether you know Stuttgart, but if you do then you will know that there is a tunnel through the hill. Our hotel is near the tunnel, we end up going through it. OK no problem turn round and go back except we still cannot spot the street into the hotel and anyway there is a tram stop in the way.

Proceed back out of Stuttgart from whence we came, and try again. Once again we miss the turning and view the inside of the tunnel again. Finally we turn wherever we can, lo and behold end up outside front door of hotel. I pretend that I knew this would happen, I don't think I was believed!

Ask hotel owner for a good place to get German food, looks mystified and directs us to a Chinese!

We don't want Chinese, we want German. 'What you want all that pork and potatoes and cabbage?' 'Yes', we do. 'OK. Go there then'. Points across street.

We go to eat....Lots of beer, lots of pork and those wonderful potaotes that they do in the oven with onions and bacon, and of course cabbage. The family that run the place do not speak a word of English, but we gather they are having a party for some reason. We end up included and are pleased that we do not have to drive the next day.

Relaxing sitting in the sunshine drinking coffee and large slabs of low calorie cake (I don't think).

Find nice bar, tell Steve not to mention the War, he didn't have to, the man next to him did it anyway. An hour listening to him apologise, I don't know why as he is only about 25. Go to Chinese to eat, the man that runs it is from Manchester. Absolutely excellent Chinese food though, and free drinks because we are English.

Day 4 leave Stuttgart en route for Bologna, Italy. Get lost, Michelin itinerary is completely wrong, the road has moved, we can see it but can't work out how to get to it. Have to take 45 minute detour to get to it. Finally spot the temporary road sign that we missed lying by exit. (Ever noticed in Germany how many roads leave the autobahn for a place called 'Ausfarht'?)

Beautiful sunny day, a little snow on the side of the roads as we head for Austria, but still no need for the two new coats which are taking up so much space.

Buy vignette for the car and also the ticket for Switzerland as we decide to drive through it as well. Stop for lunch at Swiss roadhouse, undoubtedly the worst food I have ever had in my life. Even THF is better than that. The bill comes to about £30! Buy fuel, look at price and only put in half a tank, get stopped by Swiss police who want us to unpack the car. Drop the lid and open boot. Policeman see amount of gear and changes his mind and sends us on our way.

Switzerland was pretty, white snow and pine trees spotlessly clean in the sparkling sunshine. Arrive in Innsbruck, get lost, do a tour of the town......

Find way out and enter Italy, Lake Como was gorgeous, can understand why people go there. Italian drivers are downright rude, they can see we are sitting on the wrong side of the car. At least the Germans gave us plenty of room. The Italians overtake and then cut in about 6 inches in front of you.

Road tolls horrendous.......windscreen wiper falls apart when we use the washers, buy new one, cost €25!

Arrive on outskirts of Bologna with time to spare before dark. Traffic everywhere, stuck in it for hours, try to change route to get into city another way, plenty of time to read the map. One hour to go one mile!

Finally get into city centre, stop to get directions from a policeman, of whihc there seems to be hundreds everywhere. Local youths spot car and shout out 'Hello Dell boy' Obviously they do not appreciate that a 1983 Ford Escort Cabriolet XR3i is a classic car.

None of the policeman speak English, finally find one that speaks French. Ask for hotel by name, he points to sign above my head. How clever, the Italians actually put up signs for all the hotels. He points out the way across the road and then tells us we cannot drive that way but must go round the block.

OK fine we are good at this now, so reverse the wrong way up a one way street, it's the easiest way. Realise we have started a trend as three Italians do the same thing.

Check in, ask desk clerk about the traffic, it seems we have arrived on the night of one of the biggest football matches in Italy, like their Cup Final, and Bologna are playing at home. Mental note to self, allow for this when next planning a trip.

Find excellent pizza house, full of Italians, all enjoying themselves. Our table is suddenly pushed up next to another one to make room for one on the end, obviously we will be unable to leave until the people that cam in after us have finished. Oh well we didn't want an early night really.

Day 5 Bologna to Ancona, but you are going to have to wait for the next bit and the final arrival on Crete one dark February morning.....

One Good Reason for Moving to CRete

There are many good reasons for moving to Crete, and this is only one of them!

It is 1st. December 2007, it's 20C with light winds and the air is so clear you can see from my house to way the other side of Heraklion, the sea is blue and the clouds look like they were 'painted by numbers'.

Of course it is not always like this, sometimes the sky is as black as your hat and it pours with rain ("It's raining chairlegs' is what the Greeks say!) But always after a time we come back to days like this, and there is nothing like sunshine to lift the spirit when all around you is falling apart.

And a short drive away are the mountains where you can go and scream when you want to!

The Search for a Home

OK so the house was for sale and following the estate agents word, that it would sell quickly, yes even I can be gullible, I came back out two months later to look for property, that is December 2002.

Flying into Heraklion was like coming home......The familiar landscape....the airport......the drive to Hersonissos where I was staying for a week.

The only thing that was missing? Tourists. Not a single one in sight. The main road through Hersonissos was like a ghost town with newspapers blowing along the street and any minute I expected a lump of tumblewood to follow, with the sound of a creaking swinging sign or saloon door in the background, and to hear someone whistling the theme to a Fistfull of Dollars!

Property searching was the same as anywhere else, a bitter disappointment followed by elation, followed by disappointment when I got to look at the inside. We wanted something traditional but this didn't mean that it couldn't have a roof surely?

I particularly liked the place in Vrachasi and I am sure that we could have got rid of the smell of goat eventually, oh and that nice place that was split in two halves (very common here), it would have done fine because we could have put visitors in the 'sleepout', it was just the sheer climb up to it that was the problem.

As is usual around here I was eventually introduced to someone, in a bar, who had a place for sale. Voila, not quite what was intended but it had a roof, four rooms, one of those bed platforms up a few steps, an amazing stone fireplace, the old wine press as feature (in the bedroom), and three original arches. Needed some work to let a bit of light in, and another floor on top but so what!

Back to the UK in time for Christmas armed with photographs and a rough floor plan. Other half approved but wanted to see for himself, so planned on coming back in February 2003.

Arrived back again with partner....froze to death in apartment block designed for summer use, reverse cycle air con is no substitute for central heating. The wooden window frames let in lots of air, which is fine in summer but no good on Crete in February. (Why do so many people think that Crete basks in eternal sunshine? Blame it on the movies I think).

Choice of house is fully approved, existing owner doubles price, partner is exceptionally polite and resists temptation to tell him to go forth etc.

Back to Vrahasi to look at second choice, the one divided in two, except it is now divided into three as you now have to go outside and round the corner to get from the bedroom floor down to the living area, something to do with the new reinforced concrete floor and the fact they forgot to put a hole in it for the staircase. Never mind it can be fixed. Second look at 'eau de goat' property, still smelt the same.

Rather put off when the agent informs us that 'a lot of British people live here', but never mind the house in three parts will be OK, nice view across the valley and huge roof area. Oh yes and the clincher, it has two vines (believe me when I tell you it was a selling point).

{Short break there to stir the bean stew and pour another retsina.}

Right, so Vrahasi it is.

Or rather it was until that evening. Eating out in winter here is an experience even now. Wear something warm because you will need it on even inside. The woodburning stove is glowing red hot, even the metal chimney from it will give you third degree burns, but sit more than 2 metres from it and forget about being warm ever again.

General conversation among the locals....two more mad English people moving here, translations courtesy of a Greek friend, (amazing how at that time how few people here spoke English during the winter).

Greek mother, 'Where are they looking at houses?'

Her son, 'Vrahasi.'

Mother, 'Oh they can't live there.'

Son, 'Why not?'

Mother, 'It's not a good area'

Greek snobbery? Now that's something new. That was it anyway, Vrahasi was off the list.

I suppose Steve was right, how could we live somewhere if it wasn't a good area?

Back to the drawing board and back to the UK where house has still not sold..........Who buys houses in February? Certainly no one that wanted ours!

Moving to Crete - Part the umpteenth.

Notice I use the normal size Arial font? This is because my eyes are rubbish and if I can see it so can anyone else!

OK we cannot move to Vrahasi, because it is not a 'good area', so were are back in the UK and feeling frustrated because we still have no buyer for the house.....In addition while we have been away the firm I worked for have gone bankrupt!

We start to de-clutter anyway.......The 6 boxes in the attic that came from my mother's house in 1993 are still there......With only a vague idea of what is in them we seriously have to think about what to do with the contents. Do we really need what is in them? In fact do we really need half the stuff we have collected over 20 years together? Hmmmm family heirlooms. Ebay to the rescue.

Always worry with Ebay that I am not getting a fair price and that the person who ends up with it knows its' true value and is getting a bargain. (Ebay now is a nightmare! I met some wonderful people on it 4 years ago and we still keep in touch. These days it's all dealers with feedback scores of 15,000, who want to buy something for nothing and resell it somewhere else).

We dispose of the things we really do not like, total surprise that anyone else wants them but that is their problem.

April arrives, car boot season, off to BHASVIC, Saturday morning with a boot load of science fiction books. Hoorah, they sell like hot cakes at a pound for three and seven for £2! General bric-a-brac does not sell too well. Strange position to be in, we have to go and buy more stuff to make it worthwhile going again! After the third visit nearly everything has gone, and what is left we give to the other traders at a bargain price.

Use money to buy air tickets for trip to Crete in June and one way ticket in October. Decision made we are leaving 1st February 2004 whatever happens.

Job prospects dire, Steve still fixing car bodies, me un-employable, back to temping. Even became a school 'dinner lady' for a while!

June is back to Crete, seems like all of Brighton and Hove are going to Crete! Flight over contains three people we know and a group of firemen from Hove, Elanora apartments at Anisarras will probably never be the same. Confirmed later that year as they refurbished them. Nearly beaten at Scrabble, in English, by owner's daughter and son, embarrassing!

Not a lot of house-hunting this time, we are coming back in October to do that, this time we are investigating work. Have found that Steve will not have too much problem continuing current trade, need to look for cafe or small bar for me. Have looked at a couple in Agios Nikolaos, very nice but a long way from where we want to live, maybe not a problem could always bed down behind the bar if all else fails!

A litlle house hunting as light relief.....Wonderful place in Hersonissos, two big apartments on two floors, surprisingly quiet considering it's only about 300 metres from the main road. Top floor let on long lease, owner's apartment in need of attention except it has the most amazing light fitting in the dining room. It would look well at home in a building with 'ODEON' written on the outside sometime in the late 20's/early 30's. Contains at least 25 light bulbs that I could count: Could be used as Solarium?

More land to look at...We are widening our horizons now, taking drives out for 30 minutes in each direction to see where we end up.

Sissi, Potamies, Pano Gouves, Gournes (no thanks, but nice bar for sale), Neapoli, Agios Nikolaos.

Lots of talking to Greeks and other migrants, not just Brits, about general situation re: work and general stuff. Nice holiday though.

Back to UK, row with current estate agent about lack of viewers, let alone buyers. Row with council over council tax, row with water board of imposition of charge to remove stormwater from house, surely they should pay us to collect it. Argue with cat over my right to space on bed, lost!

Notice interesting job ad., temporary contract for local company doing just what I am good at, 25K pa pro rata. September 2003 til January 2004, coincides beautifully with planned leaving date! First decent job since selling own business in 2002.

Things are on the up.......Many viewers to house in summer months. Oh God these peope are boring! Half of them from Crawley come to Brighton at the weekend to look at other people's houses. And yes we do know there is one for sale down the road at half the price of ours....Why don't you go and buy that one and leave us alone?

August 2003, change agents and put price up 5 Grand. (Existing agent says you will never sell it a that price). Even better new agent will deal on commission.....Cash in brown envelope!

Four viewings in three days, new carpet bought to tart the place up will be worn out at this rate. De-clutterisation continues, includes finding home for cat....It wasn't even ours in the first place, we adopted it (or vice versa) from next door.

Newly wed wife next door blocks drains with disposable nappies and baby wipes on morning of two repeat viewings, Dynarod (would like to meet HIM sometime) confirms problems are hers and queries why two gay men living together would need disposable nappies, unless they are about to enter Guinness Book of Records on age grounds if nothing else. (People can be so hurtful sometimes)

Success, an offer for house, rejected of course. Why do we go through this rigmarole all the time, we all know how much it is worth, when we bought the place in 1994 it was worth talking the price down as it took it out of the Stamp Duty bracket. We agreed then with the sellers that £3,000 was fittings and just paid the price they asked.

Final offer accepted for house in September. Also got highly paid temporary position applied for, along with permit to take holiday in October.

Silence from buyers.........Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Off to Crete for two weeks in October....Oh this place is so much like home, every time we leave we get homesick.

House hunting with avengance this time. Sissi it looks like, as a likely place, some good sounding properties at a good sounding price.

Staying at Iokasti in Koutouloufari again...with all our friends nearby.Sissi is not that far is it?

Estate agent has two lots of people viewing at the same time...Good girl that's the way to do it!

First, 6500 square metres of olive grove and citrus, interesting house, not quite big enough, but there is a stone built sleep out with bathroom in the garden for guests. Close to beach where there is a large all-inclusive hotel, sell citrus fruits to passing tourists? And also the income from the olives.

Next, standard reinforced concrete 'blockhouse' from 1970's. Interesting marble floors, nice touch an outside door in every room, bathroom nice, kitchen needs work. Possible to build another floor, steps outside already there, used frequently by goats that owner has kept in garden.

Third, new build, this time one that is a real property (we had lost count of the times we were shown 'holiday' properties, fine for a fortnight but not for life!). Currently used a as a shop, can be reconfigured as a house. Nice garden, big parking area, views, not too many neighbours.

Solicitor in Brighton phones on mobile, "We exchanged contracts, can we complete in two days time?"

Us, "No, we are on holiday, completion date will be 15 th November 2003"

Investigate value of olives, disappointed with result, seems ridiculous considering the price fo decent olive oil, but we can grow more things to sell, OK then offer on first property with 6500 square metres of olive grove.

Offer rejected, other couple that looked with us have already paid deposit (in 12 hours?).

Property number two rejected by us as too built up.

Offer made on number three, accepted by owner, we return to Koutouloufari elated, and to UK in similar emotional state two days later.

You don't really think this is the end of it, do you?